In Awe & Thankful

On June 14th, I got the email that I had been waiting for: "In preparation for your return to Roberts Wesleyan College next fall,  your 2012-2013 Financial Aid Award letter is attached.  Please review the awards carefully, then sign, date, and return the Acceptance WITHIN TWO WEEKS."

Earlier that week I had mentioned how I did not know what I was going to do if my bill was more than zero dollars. That seems a little dramatic, but you have to realize, I am not getting paid to spend my summer at an orphanage in Guatemala.

I sent the financial aid department an email back saying, "I have some bad news... I currently have $100 in my bank account and I am not working this summer. As you know, I am living at an orphanage in Guatemala. I am loving it and God is doing awesome things here. Therefore, I will not be able to afford the $2,000 each semester. Is there anything that you can do? Thank you for your help!"
That is when I started to pray. Honestly, half of me was hoping that they would reply to me email and say I owe more than $2,000 each semester. If that had happened, I would have known that I was supposed to stay here. Well, financial aid responded and as suspected, they couldn't really help me any further.

God, what do you want me to do? Stay here forever? Okay!

And then Marcos lived happily ever after in Guatemala... NOT!

It was just like most weekends here at Hogar Mama Carmen, a group from the United States came to the home with a delicious dinner to share with everyone. However, this group was apparently a little different.

As usual, many people on this group asked me what I was doing here, and what my plans were for the future. My answer was something like this: "I am here to live with my family and to love. I am not one-hundred percent positive about the future, but I know that I would love to live here. Also, I should probably finish school if finances work out."

About forty-five minutes had passed, and it was time to eat. I had just finished dinner when I was summoned to talk with someone. They asked me how much money I needed for my last two semesters at Roberts Wesleyan. I was caught off guard, but I told them.

Apparently a man on their group had heard me say, "I should probably finish school if finances work out." He thanked me for what I am doing here and he gave me a scholarship to finish school.

God, I guess you want me to finish college and then live in Guatemala! Okay!

I am still in awe that this happened, but I am so thankful.

But the Greatest of These is Love.

On May 18th, I wrote the following:

"I can love. Hopefully, through loving, people can see and learn the love of their Savior, Jesus Christ."

When I wrote that, I never realized how hard it really is to love. Honestly, loving might be nearly impossible. 

On June 4th, I served food to a room full of homeless drug addicts. That was one of the most uncomfortable nights of my life. However, I know that God loves those drug addicts just as much as he love me. God helped me love those people that night. However, as I drove away from the building we were serving food in, I said, "I have the easy job. I get to spend my time loving a bunch of nearly perfect, happy, beautiful kids."

Sorry, Marcos, you were a little foolish. 

On June 17th, I was in a meeting with Angel, Astrid, Mama Carmen and some other adults. These two kids have been suspended from school for the rest of the year. Skipping classes, taking items from other students, fighting and having very poor grades were a few of the reasons the school did not want them coming back. When I was in this meeting, I was saddened. Yet again, God was teaching me how to love.

That night, I realized how much anger was in the hearts of the kids. 

That night, I realized how hard it is to love someone. To really love someone. Unconditionally. 

That night, I realized why I am here. I am here to love.

After that meeting, I sat outside with Angel. We talked, cried and prayed. 

I am continuing to learn how to love. It is hard. Sometimes, I just wish I could trade places with these kids and take their pain and anger away. But I can't. 

I can love. With a lot of help from God, I am learning how to love someone more than I love myself. It is painful, frustrating, sad, and most importantly it is beautiful. 

"And now these three remain; faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love." 1 Corinthians 13:13