Living the Life I Imagined

"Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you've imagined!"

Since May of 2010, Guatemala has been on my heart. In 2010, I went on a trip with a team of 30-something people to Guatemala and fell in love. Thanks to a volcanic eruption which closed the airport, we were stuck in Guatemala City for four extra days. Four incredible days that only increased my love for my team and that country. After that trip, I had to go back. Since that trip, I have spent 6.5 months living in Guatemala. I have fallen in love with the impoverished country, the spanish language, 40 orphans living at Hogar Mama Carmen, a whole village of indigenous people, the latin-american culture, a community built on top of the city's landfill and many more people and places. It is fair to say that I have become slightly obsessed. Guatemala became my future, and I was going confidently in the direction of my Guatemalan dreams. I was going to live the life that I had imagined.

The life I imagined turned into making plans to start a nonprofit and to spend the rest of my life working in Guatemala. My plans were perfect, as expected. My plans continued for awhile and then doubt came into the picture. I started to doubt myself, my plans and worse, I started to doubt the work I thought God was doing in my life. My brain started thinking of clever solutions to end my doubt, I settled on the idea of working a full time job at McDonalds. NOT! However, I did settle on the thought that I don't always have to have every little detail and moment of my life planned. I did not let doubt take away my dreams, my passion and the life that I was imagining.

Yes, I would love to start a nonprofit. However, I think that God has some surprises in store for me. For now, I will put my plans on the back burner and just try to trust in the Lord with all of my heart and lean not on my own understanding (Proverbs 3:5).

I know that God is doing big things in me and through me, I just have to trust him. I also know that He has given me so much love for the people of Guatemala. Next month, I hope to visit Guatemala. In June, I hope to move to there and to serve. My "plan" is to move to Guatemala without (too many) plans, but with an open-mind and an open-heart. I have a feeling that God is going to provide financial support for me to stay in Guatemala as well as a whole lot of answers. Maybe I will start a nonprofit, but I don't need to have an answer right now. As far as "now" goes, I need to make God my priority. After all, without God, I wouldn't have any of these dreams or passions. God first. Guatemala second. Well, Guatemala can be third, after family & friends.


So, here I go, confidently in the direction of my dreams. Focusing on the Lord and living the life I imagined.

Pray For Miracles.

Sometimes, I think about Guatemala. Wait, I think about Guatemala all of the time. 

It has been almost two and a half years since I landed in Guatemala for the very first time. May of 2010 was when I fell in love with a country, it's culture, the people and their language. 

Since then, I have spent 7 months in that country, I have adopted that culture as my own, the people are now my family and I can speak their language. Since then, I have learned how to be a leader, a communicator, a visionary, an entrepreneur, I have nearly finished a college degree in International Business and I have grown so much closer to God.

Graduation is in less than 7 months, and the questions "What is next?" comes up often. 

What is next? Well, I know God has plans to prosper me and not to harm me, plans to give me hope and a future (Jeremiah 29:11). I also know that I do not want to waste a minute of life, rather, I want to invest my life into something that truly matters. 

So, does that mean I am off to Guatemala in 7 months? I am not positive. I am still praying about it. However, I hope the answer is yes. God has given me this passion for a reason and I do not want to ignore it. I have contacted the Guatemalan Consulate about obtaining a visa, so yes, I am taking action steps towards a move to Guatemala. I am looking into spending a year as a full time missionary at an orphanage in the city, however, I would also love to start my own non-profit organization to help these people. 

Tonight, tomorrow and every time you remember, I ask you to join me in praying for Guatemala. Pray for the homeless, the sick, the impoverished, malnourished, abandoned and those who have yet to find God. Pray for miracles. If you can, pray for me as I look towards a full-time journey into Guatemala. 

(If you have any advice or help to offer on starting an organization, let me know!)

"This Is My Happy Story."

My summer in Guatemala is about to come to an end; I have one week left and it already hurts. Saying goodbye to this family will be one of the hardest things I have done in awhile. I have been able to share life with these people, to hear their stories, and to see God working in their lives.

Two nights ago, I decided to help David wash the dishes. David is one of the boys living at Hogar Mama Carmen. If you know me, you know that I like to talk. I asked David to tell me a story, this is what he shared:

"They would fight and I would leave. I didn't like being there when they fought, so I took a bus far away. I liked to visit a lake and sometimes I would be alone for 4 days, sleeping outside. I was 5 years old when I started living like this. I did this for 2 years until the night that the police found me."

Through this story, David shared hurt and sadness that he had experienced.  After talking a little more with David about this story I asked him if he wanted to share a 'happier' story. This is what he shared:

 "This is my happy story. Now. Living here, with my new family."

David is a boy full of joy and love. David is one of my younger brothers in my "new family" and he is one of the many reasons that leaving here is going to be so hard.

Daily, I will pray for David and the rest of this family that God has given me. Please join me in doing the same.

All I Can Do Is Pray.

We drove away and I waved goodbye. However, I had no idea that I might be saying goodbye forever.

When we retuned from the park, she had already left.

In the hours following that moment I couldn't help but wish that I had said something more, that I had given her a goodbye hug or told her "I love you." I love her just like any of my siblings here and I don't know when I will see her again. Now, all I can do is pray.

In three weeks from now, two other kids have a meeting to choose whether they want to live with their step-mom or whether they want to continue living with this family, the family they have had for 10 years. Right now, more than anything, I hope that they choose to stay here. The reality is, this is the only family that they have had for most of their lives. Today, I am blessed to be part of this family, these two kids are my siblings and I love them.

During these next three weeks I will make sure that I say something more, that I hug them and tell them "I love you." The rest is up to them and up to God. I will continue to love them and to pray for them for the rest of my life, even if they aren't here.

In Awe & Thankful

On June 14th, I got the email that I had been waiting for: "In preparation for your return to Roberts Wesleyan College next fall,  your 2012-2013 Financial Aid Award letter is attached.  Please review the awards carefully, then sign, date, and return the Acceptance WITHIN TWO WEEKS."

Earlier that week I had mentioned how I did not know what I was going to do if my bill was more than zero dollars. That seems a little dramatic, but you have to realize, I am not getting paid to spend my summer at an orphanage in Guatemala.

I sent the financial aid department an email back saying, "I have some bad news... I currently have $100 in my bank account and I am not working this summer. As you know, I am living at an orphanage in Guatemala. I am loving it and God is doing awesome things here. Therefore, I will not be able to afford the $2,000 each semester. Is there anything that you can do? Thank you for your help!"
That is when I started to pray. Honestly, half of me was hoping that they would reply to me email and say I owe more than $2,000 each semester. If that had happened, I would have known that I was supposed to stay here. Well, financial aid responded and as suspected, they couldn't really help me any further.

God, what do you want me to do? Stay here forever? Okay!

And then Marcos lived happily ever after in Guatemala... NOT!

It was just like most weekends here at Hogar Mama Carmen, a group from the United States came to the home with a delicious dinner to share with everyone. However, this group was apparently a little different.

As usual, many people on this group asked me what I was doing here, and what my plans were for the future. My answer was something like this: "I am here to live with my family and to love. I am not one-hundred percent positive about the future, but I know that I would love to live here. Also, I should probably finish school if finances work out."

About forty-five minutes had passed, and it was time to eat. I had just finished dinner when I was summoned to talk with someone. They asked me how much money I needed for my last two semesters at Roberts Wesleyan. I was caught off guard, but I told them.

Apparently a man on their group had heard me say, "I should probably finish school if finances work out." He thanked me for what I am doing here and he gave me a scholarship to finish school.

God, I guess you want me to finish college and then live in Guatemala! Okay!

I am still in awe that this happened, but I am so thankful.

But the Greatest of These is Love.

On May 18th, I wrote the following:

"I can love. Hopefully, through loving, people can see and learn the love of their Savior, Jesus Christ."

When I wrote that, I never realized how hard it really is to love. Honestly, loving might be nearly impossible. 

On June 4th, I served food to a room full of homeless drug addicts. That was one of the most uncomfortable nights of my life. However, I know that God loves those drug addicts just as much as he love me. God helped me love those people that night. However, as I drove away from the building we were serving food in, I said, "I have the easy job. I get to spend my time loving a bunch of nearly perfect, happy, beautiful kids."

Sorry, Marcos, you were a little foolish. 

On June 17th, I was in a meeting with Angel, Astrid, Mama Carmen and some other adults. These two kids have been suspended from school for the rest of the year. Skipping classes, taking items from other students, fighting and having very poor grades were a few of the reasons the school did not want them coming back. When I was in this meeting, I was saddened. Yet again, God was teaching me how to love.

That night, I realized how much anger was in the hearts of the kids. 

That night, I realized how hard it is to love someone. To really love someone. Unconditionally. 

That night, I realized why I am here. I am here to love.

After that meeting, I sat outside with Angel. We talked, cried and prayed. 

I am continuing to learn how to love. It is hard. Sometimes, I just wish I could trade places with these kids and take their pain and anger away. But I can't. 

I can love. With a lot of help from God, I am learning how to love someone more than I love myself. It is painful, frustrating, sad, and most importantly it is beautiful. 

"And now these three remain; faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love." 1 Corinthians 13:13

Hearts Will Be Changed

Guatemala:
70 percent of the entire population live below the poverty level.
There are an estimated 370,000 orphans.
5,000 children in Guatemala City alone are living on the streets.
Close to 3,000 people call the city dump "home."
Over 70,000 live in the "ghetto" where education and jobs are scarce, however crime is very prevalent.

These are some of the numbers. Some numbers that are hard to hear and even hard to believe.

As I prepare to travel back to Guatemala, I look at these numbers and wonder, "what can I do?" The answer, "not much." I cannot do much of anything, especially to change these statistics.

But, what can I really do?
I can wake up everyday and ask God, "What do you have for me today?" When He responds, all I have to do is say "yes," and He will take care of the rest.
I can allow Jesus Christ to work through me. Without him, lets face it, I will fail.
I can love. Hopefully, through loving, people can see and learn the love of their savior, Jesus Christ.

& Fortunately, for me, the statistics don't define Guatemala.

Guatemala:
A beautiful country with so much need.
The place that makes my heart thrive.
The country in which I long to serve Jesus.
My home.

In 1 week, I will be back in the beautiful country of Guatemala. My heart will be thriving and I will be serving Jesus in the place that I consider home.

My prayer is that I allow Jesus to work through me, every single hour of every single day.
My prayer is that I grow closer to Him, that I stay faithful to Him and that He continues to guide my life.

Guatemala: 
For now, the statistics will remain the same, but, hearts will be changed. Mine included.